Scabies

I need some new clothes.

literally. 

Some people say they need new clothes like "oh, my God, I haven't been shopping in like, three months and I need new clothes!" I'm more like "I need a black shirt for my new job and all the pants I can wear for my old one are stained and/or with holes in them."

Not "new" clothes anyway. I don't buy new things.

I went into a Khols today. First time I've been in a legit clothing store in a long time. I forgot how good new clothes smell. Incredible. I kind of felt like it was Christmas, in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. Of course, I didn't buy anything there. As I mentioned before, I don't buy new clothes. Everything second-hand. I dream someday of buying brand new clothes without feeling like a failure. Someday, there will be new things that are not made by some misty eyed kid in Sri Lanka (but I bet they don't really cry anymore) . That's the goal. I can't wait for that day. In the meantime, I am resolute to not support the textile industry.

The cashier at Goodwill told me that someone she knows got scabies from clothes bought at the store I was at. 

Gross. I'm taking a shower.

It could be different. I could have dedicated myself to a career, gotten some full time work, spent A LOT less time volunteering at church stuff, and get paid to do all the stuff I do for free. Then I would have money, and a little power, perhaps a small amount of fame. Who knows, I might be pretty talented if I didn't have to do so many damn church slideshows...

but then...

...who would I be?

There's always two sides to the equation, two choices we can make for how we spend our lives. I chose to invest in other people. That's why I'm so poor I have to check my bank balance before I do my laundry. You can't have both. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I was rich and had no compassion. Or, perhaps I could trade in a little of my compassion for a little more money. 

How much would I trade?

To quote the great Calvin and Hobbes, "As usual, goodness doesn't put up much of a fight."

On the one hand, we have a small, quiet life, filled with a reasonable amount of comfort (perhaps a wife and kids). On the other, stress, worry, poverty, and of course, scabies.

I choose scabies, and I refuse to feel anything about that decision except relief.

And perhaps a little itchiness.