Day 1: Failure

I apologize that it has been a long time since updating y’all on my life. This place is strange and backwards. I wake up every morning with a different thought in my head and there are far too many to put in writing. I wouldn’t have time to live.

Though, some thoughts have continued to loiter around in my brain since the day I got here, so I think I will share them.

I woke. That first day, when I woke up I was 20 years old again. In a time machine funk. This was the last thing I remember here. Moving away. Not wanting to go then not wanting to come back. It’s a game of Russian Roulette. I am willing to bet that I won’t want to go again when it is time. That’s the thing about time. It’s the trigger. Location is that spinning mechanism that has a bullet, that one chance at escape, nestled inside. We never know which one it is in, but we know one thing: time is the trigger. We do not control when it fires off. We may only choose where to point it.

This place is different. Five years have been lived here, by more than one person. You can see it. The walls are painted a different color. Blackboard in the kitchen, mom says. You can write on it. It used to be, at least, until one of Timmy’s friends drew a body part on it. Now no one is allowed. I think I know which part, but I can’t be sure. I have no idea what makes heterosexual young men so obsessed with that area. I really don’t.

There’s someone I don’t know here. His name is Glen. He says he knows my brother. My brother doesn’t get here until tomorrow. In the meantime I have to wait a day to be introduced to him. I can’t talk to him. I think Glen might be a robot.

Dad says we need to fix the tractor.

What the hell? Where am I? I don’t know how to fix a tractor.

Glen says he can try it. Timmy says he already knows what to do. I go outside too. I’m going to be useful. I’m going to try to be useful. I’m going to stand around awkwardly and take pictures. I now have pictures of Timmy now, and Glen, and the cat who kept trying to crawl in Timmy’s lap while he was trying to fix the tractor. The two of them made a machine work for a few more months but I took a bullet from the gun. I stole a moment from time that it won’t ever get back. Insignificant though it may be, this is my life for now, and this is what I remember from it. I think some day this day will be important to me. I don’t know why.

I was supposed to be studying for my TEFL certificate today. It was too full of random things like this. I guess I failed. Good for me. Somehow, someday.

I'm going to right myself.

In the meantime, I think I like it here:)