Okay, so I've only had one thing to eat today, and it's like 5:30, and I think what I ate was in fact, gummy worms (the breakfast/lunch/dinner of champions/early gummy birds). And I'm tired. The things that come out of my mouth at this point may or may not make any sense. If you are a fan of the English language, you have been warned.
I got asked another question I get asked a lot today. I think I got asked it 4 or 5 times today. I think we all get asked this question a lot. I suddenly realized that no matter how many times I've been asked this question, I've never really answered it. Or at least I rarely answer it.
"How are you?"
It's become synonomous with "hello", and with "what did you do today", but really, really, what this phrase means is "what is happening in your life, and how are you dealing with that emotionally?"
Hell of a greeting.
If someone says "how are you" to me, I say "I'm fine", or "I'm great" (for those for whom "fine" isn't good enough) and then we move on. Questions are so unnessisary when they go unanswered. "How are you" may be one of the most useless phrases in the english language. I used to think I didn't really answer this question when it got asked me because I didn't want to engage with people, or I just wanted to be mysterious. I don't want to be mysterious though. Mysterious people are lonely, even when they're surrounded by people. I do want to engage with people too. So what is it?
Here's the thing. I just tried to ask myself that question. Gave me enough time to completely think it out. You know what I came up with?
"I'm fine."
I do not answer this question because I do not know the answer. My life is point A's to point B's, with no room to stop and think in between. "Are we there yet?" is the only thing I can ever think to say. "Are we there yet", and "I'm fine." I think I somehow expect that I'll get this amazing chance somewhere inbetween my two points to breathe. Or maybe to find out how I am. Or who I am. Or what exactly I was running towards. I don't know. That's really the point, isn't it? I don't know.
But when? When am I going to have that moment to stop and breathe? If I just wait for it, it may never get here. So here I am, wondering how I am, and time is running out as I am running to...
...what?
So that's how I am.
How are you?
P.S. I'm working at the AV desk right now. Why are all the students in Asian cinema Asian? Doesn't anyone want to learn about someone else? Or are we all just learning more about things we already know? "Higher" education.
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Sometimes "How are you?" is enough. It's simple and pleasant -it's familiar. Especially when it comes from a friend you feel comfortable enough to be silent with.
"How are you?"
"Good. You?"
"Me, too. I'm good."
This seemingly detached interaction between two people is sometimes enough.
Or maybe that's just me.
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