Gold and Silver Found on Broken Ground

Hello Everyone (aka the three people that read these silly ramblings of mine). I thought I would talk about something on everyone's mind these days, especially during this current season of Spring. I am speaking, of course, of love. Now, a few of you (including some complete strangers I met recently) have made comments in my direction about my apparent "pessimism" or "negative attitude," or even "sarcasm"*shock* (I'm NEVER sarcastic) on the subject of love and relationships. I wish to clarify the aforementioned discrepencies by allowing all of y'all to hear my perspective on love and relationships, and maybe even why I never talk about being a husband or a father in the future. Hope this helps.

Last week, one of my workmates asked me the question I've been asked far too many times by far too many people (including Erika's mom) regarding my lip ring. "Does it feel weird when you kiss someone with that thing?" I told her what I tell everyone who asks that question. That I've actually never kissed a girl before. Now that felt weird. It's true, though. Never had a girlfreind, never kissed a girl, never even told a girl that I liked her. Some people say I'm an idiot. Some say a coward. While I'm probably a little of both, what I'm really trying to be is patient. I'm idealistic and hopelessly romantic. This is all code for "I've seen too many movies." This is a problem with many of the things in my life. Too many movies. I believe that love is difficult. If it's right, if it's worth going after, it's difficult. And it's a miracle. Every time. I like to hear people's stories. I always ask my freinds who are dating how they ended up together. Never a dull moment. Wow. That's all I have to say. These stories make me happy, and everyone loves telling them. The ways that people find each other, I'm in awe of how creative, ironic, and sometimes even funny this thing called love is. This thing that reminds me of God. God is love, you know. Not only did he invent it, but He embodies it. God is love. You may understand now, my hesitation. Love is not just something to fall into when you're bored, or need something to do with your friday night. It is holy and sacred, and a picture of the one who gave everything to save us from ourselves. Some of you may think from the way I speak about relationships that I'm not really that interested in the idea of love or realtionships, or even that I'm not ready for one. While I can't really make a comment about readyness (how could anyone be ready for what I just described?) Let me make it clear that Imost definetely am interested in the possibility of falling in love and building a relationship with someone. It's been on my mind since childhood. It is a dream that I have to wake up from every morning to face the reality of needing patience for what I do not have, and grattitude for what I do. I think probably the only thing I've ever wanted for more than a few brief moments in my life is to love someone who loves me. To assign my name to hers and live the rest of my life trying to prove to her that she is valuable. To love her as christ loved the church. That's what it really is, in the end. Love between people is a metaphor for God loving us. It has value because he has assigned it value. And it is because of that value that love is a miracle every time. We aren't entitled to it, you know. It's a miracle, a beautiful miracle and a gift. Everyone who has even a little ounce of it is fortunate and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with you if you don't have it. Because not everyone gets it. That is what makes it such a beautiful miracle when it happens. It's rare. I just ate with a good freind, who told me about someone special in his life, about that beautiful miracle just starting to bloom. I knew who it was even before he said anything. It still made me smile. When it's right, it makes everyone happy. I want that. Nothing less. I want that beautiful miracle and nothing less than that will satisfy me, because love is my picture of who God is. Isn't that worth waiting for? Wouldn't something less than that be devastating, to the point that it would be better to remain as you are, even until the end of your life, than to settle? I think so. That is why I am waiting. Not because I'm bitter, socially inpet, an idiot, or a coward, but because it's worth it. It's worth the risk of never having it. This reminds me of a guy named Seth Roberts. I don't actually know Seth, but he was the lead singer of 3 bands that I like. The first was called Watashi Wa (which, by the way, means "I am" in Japanese) and he started it when he was 14. He was part of a band called "Eager Seas" after Watashi Wa broke up for, like, a year, and then he formed a band called Lakes a few years ago, which he is in today. He got married in between those last two band changes, and the first track on his band's new EP is called "Indian Lover." I swear, in the last two days this song has risen from the bottom of my musical archive to the top two most listened to songs on my ipod (see facebook profile for further details). In an interview once, Seth explained that the song was about his wife, and how she was his best freind since Watashi Wa, and it took him nearly forever to realize that he was in love with her. He talked about how much her love had shaped the person he became, and made his life endurable. I can't help but think that this is what I'm looking for someday. A love that shapes me. This is the love that I am talking about. Here are the lyrics...

INDIAN LOVER
When my baby came around
She was just like gold and silver found
on broken ground
And I was frozen in a stare
She said "boy, life ain't living
if you don't breathe the air."
So I said
Don't don't don't don't
don't you go anywhere
when you're down and broken
I'll love you there

Now all your life
There's gonna be love
in all your pain
and when that broken ground
gets in your way
there's gonna be love
to help you stand
and when the world lets you down
to just more broken ground
there's gonna be love

It goes on, and actually listening to the song is better, but you get the idea. I want to be in love, but I want it to be real. I don't see any point in wasting my time worrying about it, or flirting with girls just for practice, or dating out of boredom, or any of that other stupid stuff that my lonely heart tells me to do. What's the point, really, when there's something better out there?







P.S. I drank a blueberry iced tea today. There was a smiling sun on the bottle that told me to have a bluetiful day. Why thank you, mr. Sun. I think I'll do just that.