Just What Kind of State of Mind is Doc, Anyway?

I have to work today. I spent a good amount of the morning in the hot (very hot) glass shop, making a cup, and putting a bowl into the annealing oven. I'm sleepy. I went to go get coffee to keep myself awake. On the way to MJ's, I decided instead to use the machine in the TSU because I had no desire to interact with another human being at that moment. I'm grumpy. I called my sister before I started work, just to see how she was doing. I talked to her for about 20 minutes, but realized that I had only about 5 minutes worth of things to talk toher about. I'm dopey. I keep having to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, so I can blow my nose. I'm sneezy. My emotions are personified by the seven dwarfs. My emotions are cartoon characters. Sounds good to me. I've been thinking a lot lately about the way things make me feel, or the patterns of my emotions. I've been trying to make and emotional "map". A view from the top. Something I can use to navigate with. After all the thinking and stressing I do, I've managed to make an important discovery: it's really not that complicated of a map. I succeed, and I feel good. Someone hurts my feelings, and I am angry. Someone corrects me, and I question myself. I'm told I can't have something, I want it more. I'm told I can't be something, I try harder. I get a criticism, and I feel worthless. I get a compliment, and I feel invaluable. It's a map of simple math. A+B=C. And it's temporary every time. I like that the negative feelings are temporary, but I wish the nice ones stuck around a little longer. I like liking myself. I should base how I feel on something besides what just happened to me. That seems like a good idea. That's the problem with having emotions like cartoon dwarfs. There's only seven of them (and I still have no idea what "Doc" is supposed to mean). I want a wider palette, and a more stable base. I want to feel something...different. I want to draw my own pictures and color them in. Then I want them to move for me. I want them to move me. I want to be neither grumpy, nor sleepy, nor bashful. I want to be happy.


I don't mind being dopey either.