Beer and Tea

I woke up really late this morning after several stints of being up at 7AM to drive to the Korean Consulate in LA. Don't have to do that anymore. I have a big, fancy, embossed sticker on my passport now. Most of it is written in a language I don't speak, with the exception of the word "Visa" and my name/personal information. That was the last piece. I feel like I'm in a scene from Inception. I keep rubbing the top of my visa over and over again, trying to determine if it's all real.

My friends keep calling me, and I keep leaving to hang out. I have so many different types of friends that they all seem to want to hang out at different times, and it all seems to work out...

Breakfast with Liz and Justine.

Beer and fire pit with Joe.

Dinner with Lora (She's working until 5).

Beer and cartoons with John.

Lunch (cooked @ home) with Phoebe.

Tea in the morning with Genie.

Actually, we both originally said "in the morning," though plans have been made for 1PM. Neither of us is really set up to wake up in the morning (that may be why we're both working part time jobs with weird hours). Regular people wake up early in the morning. Genie and I are NOT regular people. That's probably why we're good friends.

Back to wondering if I'm still dreaming. If I am, then it's a good dream. I have so many friends down here, and they are all telling me how much they are going to miss me. Am I making a mistake, just uprooting everything and leaving? I call myself "lonely bear." Strange that I am now choosing loneliness. It had never been my choice before.

This is different though. Really, what I'm doing right now is vacationing at home. I am around the people I love without having to make any personal sacrifices.

It's a lovely place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.

That's what people say about most of the places they vacation at. Only this time it isn't true. I do want to stay. Right now, what I am doing is not staying.

It's just beer and tea. It's not a relationship, it's just "hanging out." I hang out with a lot of people, but I've never been in a relationship before. Maybe I run away. Maybe that's what this big embossed sticker on my passport is all about. People say that I'm going to be a rock star there.

If I wanted to be a rock star, I would have practiced the guitar more.

I want to stay somewhere. I want to be in a relationship.

I'm already tired of beer, and tea, and "hanging out" and the other things you do when you're not staying. I don't want to run away.