Minor

I've decreed that I shall live as a hermit this weekend. Not a lot of people. I've missed people, but often enough I don't know what to do with them when I have their attention anyway.

New laptop this week. I will soon have access to all of the internet at home. I suppose that will make this my last productive weekend. Say farewell to being somebody. I suppose that lifestyle casues too much trouble anyways. All appeal and no satisfaction. I wouldn't really want to be an important person. I just like to imagine it.

I'm starting to think I might have become too intelectual for my own damn good. Who has time for fun when I have all this thinking to do?

Is it really worth it?

To sit and think, to have very adult conversations with very calm people who drink coffe and read books? Does it matter that I write all my thoughts in this blog that probably almost no one reads? Is it worth it if I never run around in circles in the park until I'm dizzy and fall on the grass laughing?

And if my laugh is the only one I hear, did it really happen? I haven't laughed myself sore in so long. Nothing is that funny anymore. Either that, or I've lost my sense of humor to all this overthinking.

Is this what it means to grow up?

I try to cinvince myself that everyone feels this way. That used to make me feel better, but now? Why isn't it better? How did I become so bored with a world that is far from boring.

The woman who owns this restaurant keeps bothering me with questions.

여자친구있어?

아니요, 없어요.

왜? 여자친구만들세요.

어떻게?

Perhaps it's the absence of God, and I finally have the attention span to feel it. The joy of the Lord is my strength, but I am weak.

What is it?

Overthinking?

I've run all the way to the other side of the world, and still cannot escape my problem, because my problem is me. To the world I used to love: One of us has changed, and it isn't you.

I'm sorry.

I just couldn't think of what to say until it was too late.

Easter last weekend. Maybe He came to save us from the drinking, and cigarettes, gambling and porn, but I hope He hasn't overlooked my biggest sin.

I don't know how to love anything well.

Oh come Emannuel.

Mourn in lonely exile

Until the son of God



rejoice.

I always did like songs in minor keys.