I have had two glorious days of time to myself. Once, I was too insecure to enjoy time to myself. That's what we call loneliness. These days, I realize that alone is the hand I've been dealt for the time being, and it's actually not a bad place to be.
I'm starting to live like an old man. I go to bed before midnight and wake up before 8 no matter what. The crazy free spin of the weekends makes me long for the starched regularity of the midweek like I long for my morning cup of coffee. That's another habit I've taken to lately. Some days I don't recognize me. I'm not sure now if that evokes a positive or a negative feeling. I use to love not recognising myself, but I think that was because I hated myself. I'm currently developing a mild tollerance for me, that I am hoping will develop into a real friendship. Who knows... maybe a little something more...
I have decided that for as long as I live in Korea, I will brush my teeth while showering. Given the fact that my shower consists of my entire bathroom. I just think it's best to do as much as I can before I turn off the water. Otherwise, it's just cold and wet. Shaving is also difficult, since the steam from the water fogs up the mirror. I think I am going to grow a mustache again. This is my way of saying that I am going to be single for a while longer.
There's a grocery store that I have to take two busses to get to. It has a lot of the sorts of things that Americans expect their grocery stores to have. I am considering a trip there on the offchance that they might have some coffee creamer.
Spring is beginning to show its face here in Daegu, after what seems to be the longest winter I have ever experienced.
I am speaking in purely literal terms, of course. Don't mistake my ramblings for metaphor with any amount of depth.
Anyway, spring is a sort of new development here, so you never know when the weather is going to revert back. I don't know how to dress. I'll just take a sweater and hope for the best.
There will be a wedding this afternoon.
Meredith anf Kayoo.
A birthday this evening.
Tiffany.
I know what insecurity it is that makes me feel lonely, but what is it that makes me feel so strange during all this celebration and living that keeps happening all around me? I have only so much time to figure myself out before I miss it.
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...For now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. -1 Corinthians 13:12
About Me
- LonelyBear
- Somewhere between Fullerton and Salinas, California, United States
2 comments:
I know how you feel about not recognizing yourself. I think I've changed at a ridiculous pace lately. And I'll be single for awhile too, sans the mustache :)
yeah. It's a part of life, I think. Especially the aprt of life that we are in. Just when you thihnk you're done growing up...
I think, though, instead of being depressed about all this difference, I am going to learn how to love it. We may be always changing, and we never know when (or if) life will settle again. I trust that God is good, and all things work together.
because I have to. There is no other way.
Even as the world twists and falls to peices, I can have some amount of peace. I still have you, and Deb and Tim and Sarah, and Jon, and Rach, and Mom and Dad. Helps to know that.
Love you.
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