Everything I Had

I think most of the people in the world are narcissists, but I'm too busy to think about those people...

I bought the wrong ticket to Busan today. It's my own fault that my country uses the 12 hour clock and I don't know the difference between noon and midnight. Even on my best days, though, I rarely know what time it is and where I'm supposed to be at that time. The attendant tells me that I have to buy another ticket. She smiles a lot. I think I'd rather blame her, but really I know that this is my fault.

Korea and I are not on good terms today. It's my fault, but I'd rather blame her. Who could know that life is so full of dissatisfaction? Right now, I have money, a vacation, the means to do things with said money, and what do I want to do?

Really, I'd like to know.

I wish I could blame someone else, but the problem is inescapable. It's more than a bad day, a circumstance, or an extra ticket. It's me, and the man I somehow became without my permission. It's the will of God, that I should be something other than my own dreams, and sometimes I wish for everything that I had what I wanted, but every day I know I wish I wanted everything I had. What good is success without satisfaction? Is it knowing that everything you want is wrong? How do I give it up? I just want to do well with my life before it's gone.

That's a lie.

I want to feel like something besides myself matters.