Jjimjilbang, sweet jjimjilbang! I'm really starting to get used to this place. I woke up this morning relatively unsore, except for my left foot, which is starting to develop a sort of limp. My biggest concern is that one day, it will just explode, and then what will I use to walk on? It gets easer to move around as time goes by, because I've been eating my snacks, and that makes everything lighter. think I'm also getting used to sleeping light and travelling all day. I think I'll go to the local E-Mart and buy something to put in my shoes, just to be safe.
I think I'm starting to understand what this trip is all about, but I still have a few more days before I reach my conclusion.
E-Mart doesn't open for another hour, so I'm just going to wait here. Again, I don't realy have any place that I need to be. It's sort of amusing to watch all the people walk by, try the door, look at the business hours sign, then walk away frustrated. I guess I'm not the only one who thought they would be open earlier.
Today, I think I will go to the opposite side of the island. There should be a traditional village over there, and onward to what looks like a big city, where I should be able to find some place to sleep. I think this trip is going to be solidly successful, despite life's best efforts to keep me down.
Update: So, after thinking about it for a while, I've decided to take it easy and stay in the city for today. I really don't like the way my foot is acting up, and I only have three more places I want to see.
no rush.
take your time.
I feel like I keep telling myself that, or hearing it from... somewhere. What's a vacation if you don't relax, anyway?
I found a local tea shop and ordered a 녹차 (green tea) so that I could sit and let the heat of the day pass a bit. The lady that works here gave me my tea which, judging by the consistency, was probably made with instant powder. The joke's on her though, 'cause I'm mostly here to loiter.
There's a man sitting here wearing the traditional clothing of Jeju. Forget what it's called, but it's supposed to be really nice. They dye it with persimmons, and it usually comes out in a light red and dark mud red color. He looks comfortable as hell. I'm a little jealous of his getup. I've buried myself from collar to cuff in sweat. Maybe I should figure out his secrets?
It's actually been quite difficult to stay off my feet. I have places that I want to go, but my body is telling me not to go yet. It's also kind of difficult to find places to hang out without constantly spending money. The sun is brutal today. Outside is miserable. What else is there to do? I just have to wait for healing.
I bought some apples from the grocery store. Daegu is famous for apples. I am of the opinion that Daegu apples could own Jeju apples any day of the week. I'm kind of excited about the idea of going home. I usually feel this way by about day 5 of whatever vacation I'm on. I'm pretty sure this is day 5.
I've got to say though, it's interesting not having access to my usual time wasters (aka the internet et. al.). That's what they all are, aren't they? I think I could pretty much spend my entire life on wasting and never know that I wasn't busy. It's kind of nice to leave space for boredom. A brief waltz with a yawn and a tumbling scratch of the head perhaps? That would be cool. I should chuck my computer (maybe just my modem?) out the window when I get home. I just might save my own life. If I'm not careful, it just might become a life worth saving.
I've decided that if my foot isn't better by tomorrow, I will go home. I've seen a lot here. If it turns out to be enough, I'll go home. If not, then I'd love to keep exploring.
21.9.11
10.9.11
Jeju Day 4: Like Licorice
I decided to take it easy on my body today and try to make up for lost time by taking a bus. I had wanted to hike the whole way, but I've never been a very stubborn person, and I have no need to be stubborn with my body. A change in plans is much better than a bad injury. Seriously, though, after last night, I have travelled nowhere, and my clothes are all damp and smell like the ocean (see yesterday). I honestly want to give up, but I've decided to be hopeful that today will be better.
Is it just me, or did the attendant at that convenience store really look like Korean John Denver? I guess it is just me. That's the point.
Some super sweet Ajuhmas (old ladies) helped me find the right bus. for about 3,000 won I can travel as far as I need, and I'm pretty sure I can get there pretty fast. Today starts out fortunate. I don't know where it will go from here, but I'm determined to be like licorice... sweet and flexible. I pray the rest works out.
Seriously though, how does anyone travel in a country where they don't speak the language? I can kind of speak, and I am so lost and confused all the time. I don't know how these rich, yuppie, world-travelling types do it.
I arrived at my first destination and walked about 2km (somewhere near a mile?) to the Haenyeo museum. Haenyeo are this group of divers that only live on Jeju. They are all women, which is pretty cool, and they can all hold their breath for over 2 minutes because they dive underwater without a breathing apparatus, which is awesome. I'm going to take a rest here before continuing on. I think it's around noon, but I have no way of knowing. I'm just going to lay my damp clothes out in the sun and see if I can dry them, and then I'll check out the museum and see what I can learn about the Haenyeo. After this, I am going to see if I can find Manjanggeul, the lava caves. That seems like a pretty sweet way to finish out the day. I hope I can find a Jjimjilbang somewhere near where I end up tonight. How brave of me, to hope.
I had to take a looong walk to find a proper bus stop. I wasn't really sure if it was the right one, so I asked the bus driver.
이버스, 만장글 에가요?
아니요, he waved his hand at me. 만장글 입구, and then he drove off.
입구? 입구...I'm trying to remember what that means. Well, 구 means 9, so maybe I'm looking for bus number 9? 입9? 입 means mouth. Somehow that word seems familiar, like I should know it...입구?
Whatever.
I'm just going to get on the next bus I see.
It was when the next bus came that I remembered 입구: entrance. I could kick myself, but I'd rather kick the bus driver. Of course I wanted to go to the entrance. Did he really think I wanted to know if the bus was driving into the cave? Seriously, people.
Once on the bus, I am extremely aware of my smell. I suspect that the gentleman to my right feels the same way. I wish I could care more, but I really don't.
Onward.
I was a bit dissapointed by the lava caves. Maybe I'm jaded, or maybe I'm just a little bit too sore, but I wasn't really into it, and the rocky bottom made my feet sore. Not to mention the smell. If this cab drver is a worthy employee, he's gonna Fabreeze the hell out of this cab as soon as I leave. I have an overpowering smell right now.
Instead of braving the risk of homelessness tonight (since I found a bus that will take me back into the city for about 2,000 won), I have decided to find the Jjimjilbang I stayed at last night. I noticed this morning that they had a laundry facility that I'd love to take advantage of.
Waiting for the bus, I met a vacationing couple from Tennissee. We had a pretty good little chat before the bus came. I came to this island for silence and solitude, yet somehow I keep running into other people.
hmmm....
Is it just me, or did the attendant at that convenience store really look like Korean John Denver? I guess it is just me. That's the point.
Some super sweet Ajuhmas (old ladies) helped me find the right bus. for about 3,000 won I can travel as far as I need, and I'm pretty sure I can get there pretty fast. Today starts out fortunate. I don't know where it will go from here, but I'm determined to be like licorice... sweet and flexible. I pray the rest works out.
Seriously though, how does anyone travel in a country where they don't speak the language? I can kind of speak, and I am so lost and confused all the time. I don't know how these rich, yuppie, world-travelling types do it.
I arrived at my first destination and walked about 2km (somewhere near a mile?) to the Haenyeo museum. Haenyeo are this group of divers that only live on Jeju. They are all women, which is pretty cool, and they can all hold their breath for over 2 minutes because they dive underwater without a breathing apparatus, which is awesome. I'm going to take a rest here before continuing on. I think it's around noon, but I have no way of knowing. I'm just going to lay my damp clothes out in the sun and see if I can dry them, and then I'll check out the museum and see what I can learn about the Haenyeo. After this, I am going to see if I can find Manjanggeul, the lava caves. That seems like a pretty sweet way to finish out the day. I hope I can find a Jjimjilbang somewhere near where I end up tonight. How brave of me, to hope.
I had to take a looong walk to find a proper bus stop. I wasn't really sure if it was the right one, so I asked the bus driver.
이버스, 만장글 에가요?
아니요, he waved his hand at me. 만장글 입구, and then he drove off.
입구? 입구...I'm trying to remember what that means. Well, 구 means 9, so maybe I'm looking for bus number 9? 입9? 입 means mouth. Somehow that word seems familiar, like I should know it...입구?
Whatever.
I'm just going to get on the next bus I see.
It was when the next bus came that I remembered 입구: entrance. I could kick myself, but I'd rather kick the bus driver. Of course I wanted to go to the entrance. Did he really think I wanted to know if the bus was driving into the cave? Seriously, people.
Once on the bus, I am extremely aware of my smell. I suspect that the gentleman to my right feels the same way. I wish I could care more, but I really don't.
Onward.
I was a bit dissapointed by the lava caves. Maybe I'm jaded, or maybe I'm just a little bit too sore, but I wasn't really into it, and the rocky bottom made my feet sore. Not to mention the smell. If this cab drver is a worthy employee, he's gonna Fabreeze the hell out of this cab as soon as I leave. I have an overpowering smell right now.
Instead of braving the risk of homelessness tonight (since I found a bus that will take me back into the city for about 2,000 won), I have decided to find the Jjimjilbang I stayed at last night. I noticed this morning that they had a laundry facility that I'd love to take advantage of.
Waiting for the bus, I met a vacationing couple from Tennissee. We had a pretty good little chat before the bus came. I came to this island for silence and solitude, yet somehow I keep running into other people.
hmmm....
8.9.11
Jeju Day 3: Commemorate
I think I am finally getting over my inability to sleep on the floor. I'm excited about that. It means I'm ready to become super Korean this week.
I find that I can also look at myself in the mirror without all that self-loathing I used to feel. I'm just...me. For better or for worse. I'm excited about that too.
Today, I start hiking. I've got a beach to get to. I'm looking forward to some sun, and perhaps a big rock to dry my sweaty clothes from yesterday.
I'm starting to realize what a dfficult journey this is going to be. I'm not being metaphorical at all. It's faaaaaar, and I'm really not good at reading maps. I think this island is like most islands, in that its road system is a little inefficient, swerving, turning into an alley, or completely dissappearing. Originally, my plan was to follow the coast and use the ocean as my guide, but I'm finding that a lot of the coast is blocked to foot traffic.
Further inland, I found a hiking trail that seemed to go in a direction that I liked, so I took it. I'm so glad I did, because this is the Jeju I really wanted to see. Everything was green and the mountain air was cool. At a rest stop, I met these two Ajuhshis who spoke pretty good English. It wasn't perfect, but between their English and my Korean, we got along pretty well. One of these guys was an English teacher before retiring. The other one was a retired police officer, who was fully the Korean Matlock. Looked like him and everything. We arm wrestled, so that pretty much means we'll be friends forever, cause, well, that's just how it works. The two of them had a bunch of really awesome and hilarious questions for me. Sample:
Are you married?
No.
No girlfriend?
No.
What about Korean girls. Pretty?
Yeah.
Commemorate.
What?
You have been in Korea one year. Commemorate by marry with Korean girl.
I hated to leave those guys but I have places to get to today, and I think time is running out (though I don't know what time it is). I found the shore again, and I'm walking along, sweating buckets. Don't really care though, because no one can see me.
The trail led me to a more central part of the island. I probably should be freaking out a little bit, 'cause I can't see the coast right now, but it's hard to be woried when everything is so beautiful. I'm looking for a beach that Alex said was awesome, so I'm just going to keep walking until my mind is blown. So far, it's looking pretty promising, but it's starting to rain. I fear the ink in my pen will run. I must continue on.
The rain ended up being a bit more intense than I'd counted on. I took shelter at a nearby bus stop. It doesn't look like a lot of buses come through here. Oh well, that's life, I guess. When it starts raining, and you planned to hike all day, what do you do? I'm just glad I brought a towel and my gigantic ugly/awesome hat. Just gotta wait till it stops raining. Sometimes I think it's going to stop and it just gets moe intense. That's life. Just try to get somewhere safe, and wait until it stops. A Korean guy with a car drove by and signaled for me to get in. I said thank you and waved him on. There's realy nowhere I have plans to be right now.
It's crazy how a bad situation seems like it's going to last forever, then all of a sudden, the sky opens up and everything is as beautiful as ever it was. Pressing on.
Guys, I really need to learn how to use a map. I have an awesome one, too. Alex found it for me before we parted ways. I was shocked when I learned where I really was. Waaaay off course. I wonder, why do I always wait so long before consulting a guide? Especially when there's one available whenever I need?
Oh well. Sort of makes me laugh, I guess.
My skin is leaking.
All these clouds and not one ounce of shade. I found an exercize area off to the side of the road in some regon of the sland called 신천(Shincheon). There's a tarped gazeebo-type construction in the corner that has a floor of concrete with pebbles imbedded in it. The Koreans believe that walking barefot on these pebbles is good for your health. I've never put much stock in that, but today they realy felt good on my sore feet. Felt pretty good on my back, too.
I can hear chickens in the background as I doze off. I dreamed about home. Chasing chickens around the property with Jon, sharpened sticks in our hands, like mighty warriors of an unknown tribe. Dreaming is the only open door to that version of home these days.
The beach is, in a word, disappointing. Maybe I'm just cranky, but I'm sore, hot, sweaty, and I now have sand sticking to me? My inner thighs are pretty chaffed too. I'm not used to walking this much. I think this is where I'm calling it a night. The beach sounds like it's raining, but I don't hear any raindrops. It seems like the ocean is drawing water from the shore, and the suction is making a sound like raindrops and putting little dimples in the sand. Weird. I'm going to have to fact-check that with one of my more scientifically inclined friends.
In the meantime, I see a strange shape in the clouds that looks like a weird goat-man thing. I'm getting out my sketchbook, because I think this guy is going to be important later. I have no idea why. My body is so sore. I want to give up already, after my first real day of hiking. Not going to though. Gonna finish. I'm already behind. Gonna finish.
Epilogue: (didn't think I'd be writing anymore today, but...) After an incident of high tide (from behind me, somehow) that left me soaking wet with most of my cothes also quite damp, I gave up on finding a Jjimjilbang in the tiny beach town I landed in, so I hailed a cab. The cab driver told me that the nearest Jjimjilbang was 15 minutes away. He then proceded to drive me right back the way I came, to right next to the Jjimjilbang I stayed at the night before. In 15 minutes. Huge blow to my self esteem, as well as a huge step backwards in my plans. I am currently about 5 minutes from the boat dock where I arrived, sore, a little burnt, and I have rashes in places I can't show, for reasons of both propriety and physics.
Now I have to decide which is more important: seeing everything I wanted to see or walking as far as I can around the island. At this point, I don't see how I can do both. I guess I'll see how I feel in the morning.
Found a massage chair in the Jjimjilbang that pounded out a Strauss medley on my back for about 1,000원. Almost gave me a nosebleed, it was so intense. I'll bet something like this would be illegal in my country.
I find that I can also look at myself in the mirror without all that self-loathing I used to feel. I'm just...me. For better or for worse. I'm excited about that too.
Today, I start hiking. I've got a beach to get to. I'm looking forward to some sun, and perhaps a big rock to dry my sweaty clothes from yesterday.
I'm starting to realize what a dfficult journey this is going to be. I'm not being metaphorical at all. It's faaaaaar, and I'm really not good at reading maps. I think this island is like most islands, in that its road system is a little inefficient, swerving, turning into an alley, or completely dissappearing. Originally, my plan was to follow the coast and use the ocean as my guide, but I'm finding that a lot of the coast is blocked to foot traffic.
Further inland, I found a hiking trail that seemed to go in a direction that I liked, so I took it. I'm so glad I did, because this is the Jeju I really wanted to see. Everything was green and the mountain air was cool. At a rest stop, I met these two Ajuhshis who spoke pretty good English. It wasn't perfect, but between their English and my Korean, we got along pretty well. One of these guys was an English teacher before retiring. The other one was a retired police officer, who was fully the Korean Matlock. Looked like him and everything. We arm wrestled, so that pretty much means we'll be friends forever, cause, well, that's just how it works. The two of them had a bunch of really awesome and hilarious questions for me. Sample:
Are you married?
No.
No girlfriend?
No.
What about Korean girls. Pretty?
Yeah.
Commemorate.
What?
You have been in Korea one year. Commemorate by marry with Korean girl.
I hated to leave those guys but I have places to get to today, and I think time is running out (though I don't know what time it is). I found the shore again, and I'm walking along, sweating buckets. Don't really care though, because no one can see me.
The trail led me to a more central part of the island. I probably should be freaking out a little bit, 'cause I can't see the coast right now, but it's hard to be woried when everything is so beautiful. I'm looking for a beach that Alex said was awesome, so I'm just going to keep walking until my mind is blown. So far, it's looking pretty promising, but it's starting to rain. I fear the ink in my pen will run. I must continue on.
The rain ended up being a bit more intense than I'd counted on. I took shelter at a nearby bus stop. It doesn't look like a lot of buses come through here. Oh well, that's life, I guess. When it starts raining, and you planned to hike all day, what do you do? I'm just glad I brought a towel and my gigantic ugly/awesome hat. Just gotta wait till it stops raining. Sometimes I think it's going to stop and it just gets moe intense. That's life. Just try to get somewhere safe, and wait until it stops. A Korean guy with a car drove by and signaled for me to get in. I said thank you and waved him on. There's realy nowhere I have plans to be right now.
It's crazy how a bad situation seems like it's going to last forever, then all of a sudden, the sky opens up and everything is as beautiful as ever it was. Pressing on.
Guys, I really need to learn how to use a map. I have an awesome one, too. Alex found it for me before we parted ways. I was shocked when I learned where I really was. Waaaay off course. I wonder, why do I always wait so long before consulting a guide? Especially when there's one available whenever I need?
Oh well. Sort of makes me laugh, I guess.
My skin is leaking.
All these clouds and not one ounce of shade. I found an exercize area off to the side of the road in some regon of the sland called 신천(Shincheon). There's a tarped gazeebo-type construction in the corner that has a floor of concrete with pebbles imbedded in it. The Koreans believe that walking barefot on these pebbles is good for your health. I've never put much stock in that, but today they realy felt good on my sore feet. Felt pretty good on my back, too.
I can hear chickens in the background as I doze off. I dreamed about home. Chasing chickens around the property with Jon, sharpened sticks in our hands, like mighty warriors of an unknown tribe. Dreaming is the only open door to that version of home these days.
The beach is, in a word, disappointing. Maybe I'm just cranky, but I'm sore, hot, sweaty, and I now have sand sticking to me? My inner thighs are pretty chaffed too. I'm not used to walking this much. I think this is where I'm calling it a night. The beach sounds like it's raining, but I don't hear any raindrops. It seems like the ocean is drawing water from the shore, and the suction is making a sound like raindrops and putting little dimples in the sand. Weird. I'm going to have to fact-check that with one of my more scientifically inclined friends.
In the meantime, I see a strange shape in the clouds that looks like a weird goat-man thing. I'm getting out my sketchbook, because I think this guy is going to be important later. I have no idea why. My body is so sore. I want to give up already, after my first real day of hiking. Not going to though. Gonna finish. I'm already behind. Gonna finish.
Epilogue: (didn't think I'd be writing anymore today, but...) After an incident of high tide (from behind me, somehow) that left me soaking wet with most of my cothes also quite damp, I gave up on finding a Jjimjilbang in the tiny beach town I landed in, so I hailed a cab. The cab driver told me that the nearest Jjimjilbang was 15 minutes away. He then proceded to drive me right back the way I came, to right next to the Jjimjilbang I stayed at the night before. In 15 minutes. Huge blow to my self esteem, as well as a huge step backwards in my plans. I am currently about 5 minutes from the boat dock where I arrived, sore, a little burnt, and I have rashes in places I can't show, for reasons of both propriety and physics.
Now I have to decide which is more important: seeing everything I wanted to see or walking as far as I can around the island. At this point, I don't see how I can do both. I guess I'll see how I feel in the morning.
Found a massage chair in the Jjimjilbang that pounded out a Strauss medley on my back for about 1,000원. Almost gave me a nosebleed, it was so intense. I'll bet something like this would be illegal in my country.
7.9.11
Jeju Day 2: Mokpo and a Boat
Woke up more than once today. I expect I should be heading out to the train soon, but every time I wake up, it's too early and its pouring rain outside. I keep thinking it's going to let up at some point, but I can't keep waiting around for perfect weather. Sometimes you've just got to get out.
Time for an adventure.
I was a 5 minute walk from Seoul Station. When I got there, I saw the news reports from all around Seoul of all the places that were flooded. It looked pretty bad. Seems like the world is falling apart. "Why fall apart with it?," as a good friend once asked me. She's a lot smarter than she thinks. Maybe its because we forget and start to think that we are the world.
We're not. We just live here. I got on the train.
A dreary, dismal day, for the most part, but as we gradually made our way south, the sky began to open up, and the clouds began to break. "today is tomorrow," as Bill Murray said in Groundhog Days.
I've always loved that movie. Reminds me that I should be grateful that even through the darkest nights, morning comes with great regularity.
I met a guy on the boat to Jeju named Alex. He's returning to Jeju after his vacation on the mainland. Seems like a looking-glass experience. He says he knows of a decent Mexican fod place in the main city. I'm trying not to eat anything but really simple foods and spend lots of time in solitude this vacation, but I keep remembering this scripture about thee being a season for everything. Plus, I probably owe him for talking his ear off about everything from child slavery to comic books for the last 3 hours.
At another Jjimjilbang. I had to take a cab there, because I couldn't find one by wandering around, as was my original plan. I am reflecting on my day. Didn't start how I planned. Didn't end how I planed either, but I'm still alive and I'm doing my best. I guess I'm better at living than at planning, and tomorrow is another day. It's time to start looking forward to all the tomorrows I have ahead. This time, I brought a map.
Time for an adventure.
I was a 5 minute walk from Seoul Station. When I got there, I saw the news reports from all around Seoul of all the places that were flooded. It looked pretty bad. Seems like the world is falling apart. "Why fall apart with it?," as a good friend once asked me. She's a lot smarter than she thinks. Maybe its because we forget and start to think that we are the world.
We're not. We just live here. I got on the train.
A dreary, dismal day, for the most part, but as we gradually made our way south, the sky began to open up, and the clouds began to break. "today is tomorrow," as Bill Murray said in Groundhog Days.
I've always loved that movie. Reminds me that I should be grateful that even through the darkest nights, morning comes with great regularity.
I met a guy on the boat to Jeju named Alex. He's returning to Jeju after his vacation on the mainland. Seems like a looking-glass experience. He says he knows of a decent Mexican fod place in the main city. I'm trying not to eat anything but really simple foods and spend lots of time in solitude this vacation, but I keep remembering this scripture about thee being a season for everything. Plus, I probably owe him for talking his ear off about everything from child slavery to comic books for the last 3 hours.
At another Jjimjilbang. I had to take a cab there, because I couldn't find one by wandering around, as was my original plan. I am reflecting on my day. Didn't start how I planned. Didn't end how I planed either, but I'm still alive and I'm doing my best. I guess I'm better at living than at planning, and tomorrow is another day. It's time to start looking forward to all the tomorrows I have ahead. This time, I brought a map.
6.9.11
Jeju Day 1:Seoul
Got on the train, not too early this morning and headed to Seoul. That expression "headed" strikes me as funny now.
I guess the question it makes me ask is "what does my head have to do with my direction?" I'm sure that's a really stupid question.
Someday, maybe my head will be facing the same direction that I'm going. I'll get there fast. Until then, it's nice to have it turned slightly to the side. You can see a the things you're going past a lot better. It's a beautiful view, especialy since you're leaving it.
Since arriving at Seoul Station, I have been thinking a lot about my past. Probably because I plan to confront my past on Jeju. Probably also because I'll be seeing two important caracters from that part of my life today. Two of my old Youth Group students. I call them this not because they're old (neither of tem is yet 16, if I'm not mistaken) but because I felt like such an old man those years ago. It's not them, it's me. It's always been me.
I stopped at a coffee shop after much wandering. Actually, I stopped at a Cold Stone and ordered coffee. I just realized that I was specifically loking for western places. Is that because I'm on vacation? Do I somehow realize that I don't belong here, or did I stop wanting to?
I wonder if the other people in Cold Stone spend as much time thinking about themselves as I do.
I hope not. How would they get anything done?
People have families by the time they are my age, you know? They are responsble for another human life and they get to have sex regularly. I know for sure that I'm not ready for that.
Children, I mean.
What an insane responsibility to have someone completely dependant on you. What a frightening thing.
Gotta grow up. Gotta learn not to be afraid. Gotta remember that there already are people who depend on me. I'm going to meet two of them now.
First up is a guy who seemed like nothing but trouble. I used to think that he caused a lot of distractions, and then I realized he was trying to get my attention. He started out as a pest. I cried the day he left for Korea. Not a lot of things make me cry (despite rumors to the contrary) but I thought I would never see him again. Now we're going to spend a lazy (and apparently rainy) afternoon in Seoul. We are going to Taco Bell, another place I never thought I would be grateful to see. I am wating for him at the subway station.
Waiting is good. We can only be as grateful as the time we spend in waiting, and I've been saving up patience for something good.
Next up is a sad story of the things a teenage girls' mind can do to her without her permission. My other student. She's in trouble. She knows that she is, but thinks it's too late to save her. It's been a while since I've talked to someone who was so utterly convinced that they were worthless and all alone. The last person was me. She gets used by guys and thinks she deserves it. She's happy baecause she doesn't feel anything for them. It's times like these that I'm glad I'm stupid enough to believe in miracles.
We walked down the street, past the sidewalk corners piled high wth garbage. "My life is kind of garbage right now," she said with a laugh. What else can I do but stupidly hope for a miracle? No amount of arguing or pleading can convince a broken heart to heal itself. If there's anything I've learned recently it's that some lessons have to be learned the hard way. The miracle is if she fgures it out before any permanent damage is done.
Turned in at a Jjimjilbang(Korean bath house)near the station. Don't think I'll sleep much though. I've got an early morning and a lot on my mind.
They call life "the grand narative," something along the lines of a really important story. Sometimes I wish I could skip ahead to the end. I hope it turns out alright.
I guess the question it makes me ask is "what does my head have to do with my direction?" I'm sure that's a really stupid question.
Someday, maybe my head will be facing the same direction that I'm going. I'll get there fast. Until then, it's nice to have it turned slightly to the side. You can see a the things you're going past a lot better. It's a beautiful view, especialy since you're leaving it.
Since arriving at Seoul Station, I have been thinking a lot about my past. Probably because I plan to confront my past on Jeju. Probably also because I'll be seeing two important caracters from that part of my life today. Two of my old Youth Group students. I call them this not because they're old (neither of tem is yet 16, if I'm not mistaken) but because I felt like such an old man those years ago. It's not them, it's me. It's always been me.
I stopped at a coffee shop after much wandering. Actually, I stopped at a Cold Stone and ordered coffee. I just realized that I was specifically loking for western places. Is that because I'm on vacation? Do I somehow realize that I don't belong here, or did I stop wanting to?
I wonder if the other people in Cold Stone spend as much time thinking about themselves as I do.
I hope not. How would they get anything done?
People have families by the time they are my age, you know? They are responsble for another human life and they get to have sex regularly. I know for sure that I'm not ready for that.
Children, I mean.
What an insane responsibility to have someone completely dependant on you. What a frightening thing.
Gotta grow up. Gotta learn not to be afraid. Gotta remember that there already are people who depend on me. I'm going to meet two of them now.
First up is a guy who seemed like nothing but trouble. I used to think that he caused a lot of distractions, and then I realized he was trying to get my attention. He started out as a pest. I cried the day he left for Korea. Not a lot of things make me cry (despite rumors to the contrary) but I thought I would never see him again. Now we're going to spend a lazy (and apparently rainy) afternoon in Seoul. We are going to Taco Bell, another place I never thought I would be grateful to see. I am wating for him at the subway station.
Waiting is good. We can only be as grateful as the time we spend in waiting, and I've been saving up patience for something good.
Next up is a sad story of the things a teenage girls' mind can do to her without her permission. My other student. She's in trouble. She knows that she is, but thinks it's too late to save her. It's been a while since I've talked to someone who was so utterly convinced that they were worthless and all alone. The last person was me. She gets used by guys and thinks she deserves it. She's happy baecause she doesn't feel anything for them. It's times like these that I'm glad I'm stupid enough to believe in miracles.
We walked down the street, past the sidewalk corners piled high wth garbage. "My life is kind of garbage right now," she said with a laugh. What else can I do but stupidly hope for a miracle? No amount of arguing or pleading can convince a broken heart to heal itself. If there's anything I've learned recently it's that some lessons have to be learned the hard way. The miracle is if she fgures it out before any permanent damage is done.
Turned in at a Jjimjilbang(Korean bath house)near the station. Don't think I'll sleep much though. I've got an early morning and a lot on my mind.
They call life "the grand narative," something along the lines of a really important story. Sometimes I wish I could skip ahead to the end. I hope it turns out alright.
21.7.11
Something To Sit On
I've been in Korea for nearly a year now.
I'm trying to think about how much I have been changed by this experience, and to be honest, there's a lot. I still often discover a deep sense of dissapointment with myself and my ability to cope with the life that I have. I'm not too concerned with dissapointment. It's not exactly my first time.
By and large, I've seen me, up close and personal. I find this frightening, baffling, and reassuring at the same time, and I refuse to explain what that means until I figure it out for myself. There's a lot going into me right now, and a lot more that needs to, if I am ever going to become a man.
Good lord, do you hear the way I talk about myself? I need a vacation from me. My changeup needs a changeup.
I want to hear from God. I want the voices in my head again. I can't take a vacation with my friends, and I can't go home this summer (believe me, two circumstances waaay beyond my control)so I guess I am alone.
Alone is a gift, regardless of how I see it. If alone is the gift that I've been given, then I'm going to unwrap it, and play with it for a little while. Maybe even be grateful.
I said maybe.
There's an island a few miles off the coast of South Korea. They call it 제주(Jeju). Women, rocks and horses. They claim to have a lot of those.
I was never much into horses.
Let's just say that I'm going for the rocks. I need something to sit on. I'm going to listen for the mighty wind, and the earth quaking, and the silence after. Especially the silence. I think the silence will take a little bit of time. I have 12 days. They say you can see the whole island in 2 days by car. I wonder how much I can see on foot.
I'm going to walk until I have no more feet. Until they belong to someone else.
I hope that you, oh loyal reader(s?), will stick around. I think that something qhuite interesting will happen this summer.
I'm trying to think about how much I have been changed by this experience, and to be honest, there's a lot. I still often discover a deep sense of dissapointment with myself and my ability to cope with the life that I have. I'm not too concerned with dissapointment. It's not exactly my first time.
By and large, I've seen me, up close and personal. I find this frightening, baffling, and reassuring at the same time, and I refuse to explain what that means until I figure it out for myself. There's a lot going into me right now, and a lot more that needs to, if I am ever going to become a man.
Good lord, do you hear the way I talk about myself? I need a vacation from me. My changeup needs a changeup.
I want to hear from God. I want the voices in my head again. I can't take a vacation with my friends, and I can't go home this summer (believe me, two circumstances waaay beyond my control)so I guess I am alone.
Alone is a gift, regardless of how I see it. If alone is the gift that I've been given, then I'm going to unwrap it, and play with it for a little while. Maybe even be grateful.
I said maybe.
There's an island a few miles off the coast of South Korea. They call it 제주(Jeju). Women, rocks and horses. They claim to have a lot of those.
I was never much into horses.
Let's just say that I'm going for the rocks. I need something to sit on. I'm going to listen for the mighty wind, and the earth quaking, and the silence after. Especially the silence. I think the silence will take a little bit of time. I have 12 days. They say you can see the whole island in 2 days by car. I wonder how much I can see on foot.
I'm going to walk until I have no more feet. Until they belong to someone else.
I hope that you, oh loyal reader(s?), will stick around. I think that something qhuite interesting will happen this summer.
13.7.11
Little Boxes
No class today.
Today is the national test. Students will be ranked and filed, categorized, and put into seperate boxes called 중학교. This system of boxing will continue for quite some time. The "civilized" world is a collection of small boxes that we run back and forth between, collecting people to keep inside.
Sometimes we need a bigger box.
Sometimes we go outside just to remember.
The weather is not great right now. I guess sometimes it's good to have a box.
I've got 10 more minutes in this box. then I'm off to a box on wheels, a box underground, a box with a body of water, then backwards through all those boxes to the box I call home. Should I be so affectionate with something that closes over me so well?
I thought I wanted freedom?
Today is the national test. Students will be ranked and filed, categorized, and put into seperate boxes called 중학교. This system of boxing will continue for quite some time. The "civilized" world is a collection of small boxes that we run back and forth between, collecting people to keep inside.
Sometimes we need a bigger box.
Sometimes we go outside just to remember.
The weather is not great right now. I guess sometimes it's good to have a box.
I've got 10 more minutes in this box. then I'm off to a box on wheels, a box underground, a box with a body of water, then backwards through all those boxes to the box I call home. Should I be so affectionate with something that closes over me so well?
I thought I wanted freedom?
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