On Strange and Strokes

Another day at the pool, where for the promise of improved health and better-fitting clothes, I sacrifice and evening, 3,000 원, and (swimsuit) my dignity. The strategy is, if I can't get anyone to love my socially backward, talk-to-myself-in-public, mismathced socks personality, perhaps someday I will have a fantastic body, and someone will love me for superficial reasons.

I'll still be hairy though.

I'm a little clumsy in the water today. Distracted. I keep accidentally running into the 15 other people in my lane. I tell myself that it's hard to see, since I have my head underwater and everything, but that's a lie. When you share a body of water with other people, you don't need to look for them. Once you're close enough, you can feel them. When my fingertips pass through the water near their tread, I can always tell (if I'm paying attention, that is) how fast the other person is going, the strength/quality of their stroke, weather they cup their hands as they cut into the water or splash flat, finger-spread. I don't see a lot of people's faces, but I know everyone here by their strokes and their swimsuits.

I can feel Ms Awkward-Stroke coming up soon. I prepare to pass her. She's really slow. Actually, she's probably Mrs. Awkward Stroke. Her flailings seem to be the result of the kind of exhaustion that only on old woman can feel. The particular shade of pink swimsuit she is wearing also appears to be the result of either color-blindness or 시장 sale/being old enough to not give a rat's ass who sees your fat ass in ugly pink. She flails, and is, quite unfortunately, finger-spread. I have a difficult time respecting that stroke as I pass her.

From the opposite side, I feel a hand go under my chin and slightly nick my groin. The gentleman grandfather. This particular breed of 아저씨 is difficult to find. He always looks so regal with his swim cap resting on his head in an almost yarmulke-like fashion. Regal is not a word I would use to describe most older Korean men. The word I would use is...intoxicated.

Nevertheless, he does strike me as a creature of high class. I have a little trouble with the fact that he always smacks me in the face/back/crotch whenever he swims by. It's because he does the backstroke.

I've never wanted to do the backstroke. People who do the backstroke always accidentally injure other people in the process. Can't really blame them. How can you see where you're going while always looking the other way? Strange position to find yourself in.

Sometimes I feel like the pretty girl at the bar. We have to take a break every 10 minutes on the hour, and now everyone is looking at me, and then pretending like they're not looking at me. Some point to their friends and argue about something between sideways glances. Sometimes, I will try to stare back at them, just so that they know that I am aware of their leering, but that only gives them the courage to finally turn to their friends and say (I assume) " wish me luck, boys. I'm gonna go talk to her."

Shouldn't they at least buy me a drink first?

I should point out that I am niether the fattest person at the pool, nor am I wearing the smallest swimsuit. That prize goes to the fellow who has braved the length of the half meter deep swimming pool where I am resting my muscles and whose rotund thigh is now pressed against my ankle.

"Your name Suh Ti Bun, right?"

Not his first time. Perhaps the last time we talked, he was wearing clothes. It really changes your look.

"Where are from?"

America.

"America?"

You can always tell who has had a Canadian 학원 teacher. Canadians hate that we refer to ourselves as "Americans."

USA.

Oh, USA! Are you married?"

No, I'm single.

"Oh, that's good. Better. I have two childrens. One daughter and a brother-ummm son. Son. My life is very noisy."

I live in my own. My life is very lonely.

"Oh, hha. You are very funny."

I really hate it when people tell me how great my life must be (usually because of my age) as a segue into why they are unhappy. I like to tell my younger siblings about all the great things that happen after you go to college. I think we should always have something to look forward to in life, though some people can only see what's behind them. The further you get from that spot, the harder it is to see what it really was. Strange position.

The number of big naked Korean guys that I can justifiably share a sauna with went to a record-breaking 9 today. This is up from a previous record of 4. What can I say? I get sore from all that "going somewhere" I was doing, and I'm not sure if I remember what it was about my naked body that was so worthy of shame. Maybe I'll remember it someday, but I haven't the energy for shame these days.

I used to think about what it would be (will be?) like to have a family. Maybe a daughter and a brother/son. I used to think that these days were the worst kinds of days I would ever endure, or that there was something wrong with me, and how I talked to people, or often didn't have the courage to. I used to think far too much, but that was a while ago. I've never wahted to do the backstroke, and I've just come up out of the water after a long time with my head down, going somewhere. It's best to just towel off and go see what the world looks like in forward motion.