Central Nervous System vs. Cardio-Pulminary Circuit

I've decided that even though Chris Kataan, Will Ferrel, and Jim Carey are really funny and talented, their SNL sketch "Night at the Roxbury" is stupid and not funny. Too many kooks spoil the soup.

I've also decided that the song "Tessie" by the Dropkick Murphys makes me wish that I
a: played the piano
b: was Irish (or at least knew weather or not I was Irish)
c: Lived in Boston
d: gave a crap about baseball
e: all of the above.

HINT (this helped me pass a test recently): It's always "all of the above"

I feel like everything in my life could go horribly wrong at any given moment. I want a lot of things that I didn't used to think I could have. I want to be a writer. I want to be a successful writer. I want to be the type of person who stands up for justice, and can back up what he says with what he does. I want to be...not a hypocrite. I want to fall in love. I want to hold hands with someone special, and think all day about how lucky I am, and marry her, and have children with her (in that order). I want to try to make something of myself, rather than just stumbling around, getting whatever I can for no effort. That's so dangerous, to want something. To have expectations. I hate dissapointment so much. I've had a lot of it lately, and I really, really want to hope for something that is real. Something I can actually have. I just had a conversation with a good friend last night. She has expectations. I thought her expectations were either really naive or really...really beautiful. Is it better to try for something amazing, something miraculous, something you don't deserve, or to just not try, and learn to be grateful for what God gives you, even if it's not what you expected? Are our most beautiful dreams just setups for our most tragic dissapointments? Or did someone give us those dreams for a reason? As I typed those words just now, my heart started to beat a little faster. Too afraid to hope, but even still...there is something. There is something about my dreams that my cardio-pulminary circuit understands independent of my brain. I don't want to know the future, but I kind of want to know why I have dreams. Are they so I can interpret reality or escape from it? Will I ever see my dreams realized, or will they be the only things to comfort me on dark nights when I'm old, and alone, and the same person I was when I wrote this? I shudder to think. Wow. I didn't expect to get this deep. I went from "Tessie" to depressey. Ah, stupid jokes. I guess I'll always have those, and I'll always have God, and maybe dissapointment isn't as bad as wasted potential. I have potential. Huh. Also something I thought I could never have. Who am I anyway, to assume that everything is going to go wrong from the outset? It's only been 23 years.

"A life left half behind
Though no longer blind
I have yet to see
I'm not the boy
I once was
But I'm not the man I'll be."
-mewithoutyou (Nice and Blue)

I guess no future can be unendurable as long as I am not alone.

I am not alone.