From Saturday

The following thoughts occured to me on Saturday, after I got off work.

Grocery shopping today. I need a weeks worth of groceries. I need to save lots of money getting them. I've kind of been in LAUP budgeting mode ever since the accident. I just want to be responsible with what I have, and what I have needs to last me until the end of the month, which, thankfully, is getting closer. I don't want to ask my parents for money. I know them too well. They would give me too much. My mom, for instance, would go without everything, just so I wouldn't have to go without anything. I have almost no savings left, and I'm lucky even for what I do have. So, I'm looking for bargains. I'm looking for bargains with superpowers. I'm looking for super bargains. I checked the day old bakery rack at Albertsons. All they had was pie. The last thing I need right now is pie. I decided to travel all the way down to the Grocery Outlet in Buena Park. The Grocery Outlet is weird. They sell all the products that no one would buy. They're like the thrift store of food, except nothing there is used (I don't think). You can't just buy peanut butter and jelly at the Grocery Outlet. You have to buy Extreme Chunky Peanut Butter, and Blueberry/Apricot Jelly. An eye opening experience. This is really a country full of creative people. I couldn't help but laugh at some of the food product ideas we've come up with recently. Creative. Not at all practical, but creative. I wanted to spend $30. The cashier rang me up. $30.47. I suppose I could find 47 cents somewhere else in the budget. I guess I succeded. I ralized something today. These last couple of weeks have been difficult. I'm not just talking about all the money I've lost because of the accident. It's more the comfort, the sense of security that I know my needs are taken care of. It's really difficult to not know how much money you can spend on things, to have to bow out of dinner out with friends "just to be safe." This is my experience these last couple of weeks, and taking care of things myself has been exausting. I need God to take care of me. What I realized is this: God is taking care of me. I have an appartment to live in, and my roomates aren't perfect, but I love them. I have a wonderful family. I have food. Enough to eat for the end of the month. I won't be hungry, naked, or homeless. Everything else is a luxury. It kind of reminds me of my childhood. I saw the inside of a lot of Grocery Outlets when I was growing up. We just barely had enough to make it month to month. But we made it. I remember one day, after my Dad had gotten paid, he took Timmy shopping with him, and came home a little depressed. I think it's harder for men when they can't provide everything they want to for their families. My mom asked him what was wrong, and he went into this long story about how Timmy followed him around the store, thanking him emphatically for everything he put in the cart. "Milk? Thank you, Daddy, thank you! Oh? Bread? Thank you Daddy, thank you! Cheese too? Thank you Daddy, thank you!" Dad said it wasn't like he didn't provide enough food for his family that Timmy should be so grateful for something that everyone has, for the bare minimum. He said he felt like a neglectful parent, and from the way everyone in the grocery store was staring at him, he wasn't the only one who thought that. I know what it's like to be hungry. To be tired of eating the same thing every meal because it's all you have. Timmy, little 6 year old Timmy, he was right. It's a miracle that we have food to eat, and a Daddy that gives us those things. He promised to feed and shelter us. That doesn't mean we get everything on our terms. It means we will be taken care of. That's something to be grateful for, no matter what form it comes in, don't you think?

Thank you Daddy, thank you.