I'm such a loser (it doesn't matter)

I'm in love with this movie called Eagle Vs. Shark right now. I've seen it four times. A couple of nights ago, I was really stressed out, and I put on Eagle Vs. Shark to watch my favorite scenes, just to calm me down. Half an hour later, I was asleep. It's a love story (most of the best stories are) and I think it reminds me of a certain love story of my own. I'll explain.

WARNING: If you ever plan on watching the film Eagle Vs. Shark, you might want to proceed with caution, because I am going to divulge some pretty key plot points, and probably tell the funniest jokes, and go into great detail about my favorite scene. I find this completely necessary for the proving of my point.

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Okay, we're going to move on now. As I've said before, Eagle Vs. Shark is a love story. It's about this girl named Lilly who's really shy and timid. She works at a burger joint called Meaty Boy where everyone hates her. She's in love with one of the regulars, because the two of them have a mole on the same place on their faces. I can't remember the guy's name, actually, because he makes me so mad that all I can think of is what a jerk he is. I'll call him Steve. One day, Lilly finds out she's getting fired, and that it's her last day. Steve comes in to the restaurant, and she hooks him up with some free food. He invites her "hot friend" (a co worker) to his video game party. Lilly goes instead, and beats all Steve's friends at video games but lets him win. This is the start of their extremely awkward romance. Honestly, I don't know why Lilly didn't give up on Steve early on. He was such a jerk to her. Sean can't even watch the movie all the way with me, because Steve and his jerky ways are just too much for him. Seriously, every nice thing she does for him, he ruins somehow, and she always comes through with something else. He stands her up at the movies. She bakes him a cake. He smashes the cake to prove the point that he's impulsive. She offers to give him a ride to his home town and meet his family. Steve is probably the only person on earth who doesn't know what a loser he is. Steve doesn't think he's a loser. He thinks he's an artist. He has a shop where he makes these ridiculous candles and inventions that don't make any sense. "I have to create, or I'll just go crazy," he says. The purpose of his trip home is equally stupid. Steve has been training for a few years to battle some guy who used to beat him up in high school. Steve says he's probably going to kill the man. Lilly follows him all the way to his home town, believing in him, when everyone else in Steve's family thinks (and rightly so) that he's an idiot and a loser. The worst part of it is, after all Lilly does for Steve, and all the support and encouragement she provides, he breaks up with her! He breaks up with her, claiming he can't handle being in a relationship, and then tries to start one with some other girl. Any self respecting girl would have left right then, and happily. Instead, Lilly convinces the rest of Steve's family to come and watch his fight with the kid who used to beat him up in high school. As it turns out, the man is now paralyzed from the waist down. The man apologizes for how immature he was in high school, and hopes that Steve can forgive him. Steve still tries to fight him. And loses. To a guy in a wheelchair. This is where my favorite scene comes in. Steve is lying near a cliff, thinking about jumping. Okay, he's not really thinking about it, he's just trying to be dramatic. Lilly is right there beside him. She follows him everywhere he goes. "Why do you stick around with me? What a loser," says Steve. "Yep," responds Lilly. "It's not worth it," he says. She leans in. "Yes it is." I think that finally, after all this time of being a jerk and a loser, it dawns on him. Steve looks over at Lilly, and there's this glow about her, and she doesn't look shy and awkward anymore. She's beautiful. Steve says "I'm a loser, aren't I?" "Doesn't matter," she says. They watch the sunset together. Lilly stands up. "I have two things to tell you," she says. "One is that I'm leaving tomorrow. The second thing is that that can change." She leaves him by himself. The next day, Lilly's bags are packed, and she's going to the bus, escorted by her new friends (Steve's family). She gets to the bus stop, and smiles. Steve is there, holding a candle he made for her, and a bouquet of flowers. Lillies. They get on the bus together, holding hands. I love this movie. I still think that Steve doesn't deserve a girl like Lilly. After all the things she did for him, he was such a jerk, and a loser, and what did he do at the end? Flowers and a candle? that's just not enough. I think I realize now that this is more Lilly's story than Steve's. She loved in a real way. A sacrificial way. A way that hurts. She was so patient with him, and so giving of herself, with little or no regard for how her needs would be met. The way that she loved Steve was so honest too. She never told him that he wasn't a loser. She only told him that it didn't matter. She didn't care that he was a loser. She wanted him anyway, when no one else did. Her love was active. It forced Steve to reach out and take her. She may have started out as pathetic and awkward, but in the end, she knew that what she had to offer Steve was good, and so she put it in front of him. Just once. Her love forced Steve to grow up, and appreciate what was right in front of him. Remember how at the beginning, I had said that this story reminded me of a romance of my own? I'll explain. Sorry if you were hoping for a long and torturous description of some girl who stole my heart and never gave it back. I don't have any of those. Actually I'm a lot more like Steve. I think I'm cool. I think I'm an artist. I'm a loser, and it takes me more than an hour and a half to realize it most of the time. When I'm a the bottom of my despair, and I can't believe what an idiot I am, and I'm too embarrassed to even show my face to any "normal" person, I hear my love whisper into my ear. I don't hear that I'm not a loser, or an idiot, because He knows that will not help me. What I hear is "it doesn't matter." It has been known from the beginning what I am, and I am loved, despite it. Though this relationship is unbalanced, and I don't deserve a love this pure and selfless, it doesn't matter. I have it, if I would only reach out and claim it. Even though that one step is nothing compared to the wrong I have done, it is enough for my love. It is worth it to him.