January 5, 2008

I'm trying to grow up. It may take a little longer than most people, but I'll get there. I'd better get there. I've got one more semester to get there. I can't tell if I'm afraid or excited about the future (usually you can't have one without the other), but one thing's for sure: I don't know what it's going to be. I mean, it's easy to be content before you have to face the future. You can even replace the future with dreams. The future can be anything you want it to be, until it becomes the present. A part of the future became the present this week. I'm down to the last semester at school, and the last thing I need to graduate is an internship. If I get an internship, I graduate. Simple, right? The thing is, this internship is the first step in that long, uphill battle called the future. I had replaced the future with dreams, remember? The problem with dreams is that they give you hope. In my fantasy future, I had the perfect internship, that would land me right in the industry I wanted, and I would do so well that they would hire me on the spot. I would live in my own magical bubble, and hang out with Wes Anderson and Rachel Ray, and we would make movies and cook. We would go to my house, and my mom would knit a sweater for Wes and teach Rachel how to make her awesome cinnamon rolls. Yep, that would be it. Me, Mom, Wes, Rachel, and the bubble. Well, Wes and Rachel disappeared this morning when the bubble burst, as I realized that I sent out resumes over a week ago, and I haven't heard from anyone yet. I have so little time left, and if I don't get an internship, I don't graduate. Pop goes the bubble. Time for reality. Reality is, I take whatever I can get, and possibly not starve to death for lack of a job after graduation. The thing that really sucks about the reality mindset is that I've been carrying around this dream from God, this thing he told me to do. I can't shake it, and it's definitely one of those bubble kind of dreams. So, what do I do? I do the one thing that I always do when I've got no options, (though I should have thought of this slightly before) I pray. If God wants it, then I want it, but he needs to show it to me, because I can't live on dreams with reality staring me right in the face. It's a struggle to believe something when you've got to be practical. So I prayed that God would show me this week that he had an awesome internship lined up for me. I was patting myself on the back for how bold that prayer was. "i live my faith on the edge," I told myself. Sometimes I think God just keeps me around because I make him laugh. Reality needed an interview in two weeks. God gave me two interviews in one day! Just like that, huh? Do miracles really come so easy? The most beautiful thing about life with God is that he allows us to dream. To continue to hope for something beautiful at any given moment. There's no bubble this time, but reality has been seriously messed with. I barely even had to ask, and I received. Maybe I should ask God to meet a girl. I guess that's for another time, though.