January 10, 2008

The sun is out today. A welcome change. The weather has been mirroring my moods perfectly lately. Sunshine and low clouds all day today. Yesterday? Partly cloudy? Check. Fog in the morning? Of course. Cold temperatures throughout the day (but especially when someone wants to talk)? Double check. Chance of rain throughout the week? Always. All my life, I wonder if the way I feel has anything to do with my actual life and what's going on in it, or if it's just lack of sunshine. On sunny days like this, I can just sit on my back and stare at the sky for a while, and I don't remember what I was just so upset about. I don't think I'm as complicated as I pretend to be. Am I really depressed all the time, or is it just fog? Do I really have anything to cry about, or has it just been raining for too long? When I see my mood brighten for something so simple as a few less clouds in the sky, I have to think to myself: maybe all this time I was just under the weather.

"Why so downcast, oh, my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God"

-Psalm 42: 11 (also found in Psalm 43: 5)